God damn I love Jack Handey!

Fantastic!

A teenager has changed his name to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

This is amazing.  Needs sound.

You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons

Ah creative writing, where have you been? You may think that a lawyer would dabble in creative writing every now and then. You know, “The Defendant was not in Sydney at the time of the alleged assualt”, “The Defendant asserts that the substances were for personal use by him” etc etc. But no, I’ve been in a desert where the creative writing shrub does not grow and felt the need to dabble once again.

This week I found out that Trent from Punchy was all fake. (dammit I STILL can’t embed from my laptop!!).

Thanks to the investigative skills of this guy. Now the thought that Trent was for real had kept me going these last few months. Pure inspiration. So finding out that he was a fake tore me to pieces.

Which caused me to reply with the following rant to a friend’s email, which was quite an unprovoked rant. But then, rants usually are.

Adi:

 Given the latest revelation regarding the bodgy milk scandal coming
out of China, my colleague and her friends have been discussing 'fake
food'.  Please see attached.   This is what appears to be a white-bait
like fish.

As I can not speak Chinese, I've been advised that the outer casing of
the fish is in fact plastic.  Aghast, my mouth dropped to the floor
and I whispered; "what's inside it???"....

"Ah, it's like a jelly"
"What kind of jelly?????" I demanded..
"Hmmm, jelly stuff"
"Wha....??? Like, maybe like, Vaseline?"
"Yeah, yeah sort of.."

*dry retch* "What the f**k???"

Vicentia then says, "and they actually smell really fishy!"

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.  People can purchase these in the supermarket and the
only distinguishable difference is the fact that the real fish turns
white once cooked.  The ‘plastic’ fish do not.

 

 

Me:

oh come on. are you seriously concerned? we’ve been eating fake olives, fake banan/vanilla/strawberry flavours, fake ham (I wouldn’t even feed it to a dog), fake gravy, fake mashed potato, fake chicken, wtf is devon? fake “fruit juice”, fake eggs, fake chocolate for years at your favourite family restaurant. you’ve been watching fake dvds, playing golf with fake clubs, wearing fake fur and playing sport on fake grass. We’ve watched fake (drug enhanced) “athletes”, read magazines with fake airbrushed people, got into clubs with fake ids and voted a prime minister into power on lies lies lies who then supported a war based on lies lies lies. We’ve even eated fake fat! yes fat! do you know what olestra is? you should look it up and see what the side effects are. We’ve had fake friendships “sure thing baby I’ll call you tomorrow” hahahahahah. Fake is everywhere.
 
As for vas, it is petroleum jelly - it goes on your lips - it makes it way into your mouth. Some people use it on their bits for the old shtoopski. Oy! Shock! Horror! Or how about gelatin? it’s from boiled down animal bone and skin. I’ll bet you’ve eaten it before. mmmmm yum! Please sir can I have more?
 
After the trent from punchy debacle I don;t believe in anything anymore. There is no spoon folks.

The moral to the story? I’m not sure. I was told I had PMS. Just rant on folks.